dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
