The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
