wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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