Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So much Jack, so little girl.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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