Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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