when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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