I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
