Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
