he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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