if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
