I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
