shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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