Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
