He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
