my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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