I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
