Just fell off a train. Bad.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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