I got chris browned last night
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
