i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
as a side note pls kill me
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