Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You've changed since you got that strap on
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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