i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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