I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
