new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
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Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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