Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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