I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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