I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
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Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
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Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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