I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
