I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
