Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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