At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
