Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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