last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
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so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
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Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.