Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.