he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga