Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
well you can't waste a boner
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
