I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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