let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much