Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
