I think I am morally bankrupt
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My vagina just clenched in fear
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
