mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
