I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
