He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
