Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
