my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
