i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
