shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
