i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
