Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
