Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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