i think i have herpe
just one?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
