She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
