we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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