Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
