maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
