So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
