bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
