I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We are two peas in an std pod
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I need water and some morals
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
