We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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