He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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