I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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