Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
