Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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