Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
