why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
