we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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