we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
