There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
