it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
