She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
