Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
