Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
