Where is the hickey?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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