Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
