uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
